Listen To Your Mate

Many times relationships start to go downhill when we cease to pay attention. Pretending to listen to her is not the same as actually listening, and ignoring his problems doesn’t make them go away. Women know when you’re not listening because what they are waiting for is a response. If you are not paying attention you will not know what she needs to hear from you in regards to her situation. Our responses to women need to reflect actual concern for their issues because the truth is, if her issues are not important to you then you may need to take a second look at the relationship. On the other hand men don’t always make their problems vocal and so knowing your mate, paying attention to his actions will tell you more about him than his lips. If you ignore the problem because the problem isn’t vocalized it can seem as if you don’t care to the guy. In these situations it’s best to let him know that you will support him, over time it will come out.

Broken crystal Heart: unrequited love

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Set Your Standards

Why do we ignore the first signs of crazy. Usually we are caught by surprise when s/he does something destructive towards you. However most times these situations are actually avoidable if we pay attention to our potential mates when we court. The little white lie you overlooked, the agressive tone used in small situations, procrastination with excuses, and many more. Our hearts blind us to the realities, but if we take our emotions out of it and look at the persons actions objectively it might tell a different story. Never toss away the small things in the begining, and follow your gut. There are signs of an abusive mate before they became your mate, there are signs of a liar or a cheater before you get involved. Pay attention to the signs. Avoid the heartache and pain you may recieve later. Create standards for yourself and stick to them. We may never find perfection, but we will find a matchYoung couple having an argument
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Focus on Your Relationship

Your relationship with your mate is your relationship with your mate. Although it may seem at times like others have a stronger relationship and a better bond than you and your mate, the truth is you never know what is going on when the night falls and the doors are locked. It is never a good idea to compare, because your relationship is unique and will never be the other person’s. Be happy that it is that way because there are certain things that make your relationship special. Someone may have a wonderful mate but that person may leave the toilet seat up everyday, and that might drive you nuts. If your happiness with someone is based on the comparing of another pairs happiness then what you have is an image issue. You want the image of what you see, but what you are seeing is two people who love and accept each other. When you stop comparing and start focusing on your own relationship you will be as well.
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Compromise in Love

There is no love without compromise. There is a difference between compromising and settling, you should never have to settle for less than your standards, however part of a partnership is having the ability to compromise. This may mean going to a movie you’re not fond of or eating at a restaurant that you may not enjoy, but it is the love you have for your partner, that makes us want to do things to make them happy. Not because your forced to but because you want to. No love is perfect and neither are you. It takes compromise and sacrifice on both ends for any relationship to work. If you lack this ability, you will become selfish in the relationship and it will create a disturbance in it. Nobody can be 100% of what you desire, but they can be 100% of what you need. Don’t sacrifice a good thing because you can’t sacrifice a small thing.
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Independent

Women at times must be able to balance the need for independence and freedom, with loving and being a partner to their mate. The reason some relationships fail is that their is an upset to this balance, to understand why you must understand the mind of the Male Species. Men traditionally are to be the protectors and the providers, the givers. Woman traditionally to be the caretakers, and the receivers. Today this is not so, however the elementary state of the man and woman are still the same. Today women want their independence and want to do things on their own, at the same time receiving the same affection and attention from the male counterpart. Unless there is a perfect balance, the reason this doesn’t work is the primal instinct of what makes a man a MAN is disappearing. If my instinct is to protect you to love you to “bring home the bacon” But you are completely and solely independent, My usefulness to you is gone. Whether you agree or not you have just made me meaningless in the relationship. Now how we as men respond to that is up to us. We can accept being meaningless, we can try to maintain an equal footing (best case) or we try to downgrade our counterparts. I am disgusted with the latter. Any man who feels threatened by there woman enough to want to make her feel like she is below dirt simply because of her progress and independence is not a man to me. At the same time ladies understand that our instinct is to be the Lion. You can be independent , but also present opportunities for the lion to be just that. Remember there is a difference in a relationship between independence and interdependence. Men and women are interdependent and the sooner we realize that the better our two species will be. Too much independence is a recipe for loneliness and bitterness. None of us are meant to be completely independent. Lets work together. Let’s bring back unity in love.

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Your Self-Esteem

apicSelf-esteem is an internal view and judgment of not just who and what you are, but it is your view of other people’s perception of whom and what you are. One thing is certain, your self-esteem is yours and is yours to control. We sometimes let other people dictate how we feel about ourselves and this is always a slippery slope. In relationships your mate should never dictate how you feel about you. Ifs/he says your fat you shouldn’t feel down. To that person I say that if your mate doesn’t love every single part of you then you must question the motives of that person being in a relationship with you, secondly who cares. It’s your body; if you are comfortable with you then you are not the problem. You don’t have the problem with you, they have the problem with you and their problem is not yours to deal with. Don’t take it upon yourself to deal with a problem that is not your own. Know yourself, love yourself and improve yourself only for you not for others.

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Liar, Liar Pants on Fire!

If you find yourself in a relationship with liars on a constant basis, we should blame the liar of course for the act itself; however this is an opportunity to look inward. On an elementary level what makes children lie? Not that they like it but that there is a certain atmosphere that creates it. Intimidation is one of them. If a child lies it’s to stay out of trouble or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.  We can all agree that it is wrong however given an open atmosphere without fear there would be no need for one to lie. Sometimes we can be intimidating and create an atmosphere where a person doesn’t or cannot be forward. I consistently talk about positive and negative energy, in this case a positive open non-intimidating atmosphere goes a long way to creating an honest relationship. On the other hand if you do have this atmosphere and your spouse or lover still consistently lies to you, we have an entirely different problem. Remember also that a part of love is accepting, and if you must lie then there is a part of you that you feel will not be accepted and so the relationship itself is in question.

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